


A Beautiful Body

by The_Whistler



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: F/M, Paris - Freeform, The Great War, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 04:05:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Whistler/pseuds/The_Whistler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes even The Spine has moments where his older brother manages to trick him... and sometimes the joke's on Rabbit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Beautiful Body

**Author's Note:**

> A slightly off-color... alright, a very off-color but not very explicit lil drabble I thought of a while back. I mentioned it in another work which I have since taken down, but I thought it was funny, so here it is. It's about as raunchy as I'm ever likely to get. Bear in mind that the robots were only 21... few of us are really at full maturity at 21, so I suppose we can expect some mistakes... ;)

Paris, 1917:

"That one's lookin' y-y-your way, brother."

"Which one?"

"The hot tomatah in red. See?"

The Spine turned back toward the bar and sighed. "They all look, sooner or later. Who wouldn't? Then they get bored and go for the real men."

Sure enough, she soon turned to her companion and giggled. They were quickly swept out onto the dance floor by a couple of soldiers.

"Eh, her loss, right? Say..."

"What?"

"That one's been l-lookin' for a while now. And she's alone."

"Her date is probably getting her a drink." The Spine refused to be dragged along on Rabbit's flights of fancy.

"You're afraid to take a chance, that's what it is."

"Not afraid, Rabbit. I just don't see any reason to waste my time trying to get anywhere with the women here. They want men, not robots."

"We look like m-m-men. Well, sorta. Well... you do. Sorta."

"Not enough. Can we just finish our drinks and get back to camp?"

"Aw..."

Rabbit was bored. He looked again at the lady sitting alone. Her eyes flicked repeatedly to The Spine, he was sure of it. What's more, her gaze traveled down the length of him and back a few times.

"Oh-ho-ho!" hooted Rabbit into the din of the dance hall. "Yer gettin' the advanced stare now, buddy!"

The Spine looked at him skeptically. "What does that mean?"

"She's checkin' out yer as-as-as... yer fanny." The Spine didn't care for cursing, at least, not in public. The last thing Rabbit felt like hearing right now was a lecture about public decorum.

"My what... why would she do that?"

"She's interested, Spine! Go an' talk to her!"

"About what, Rabbit? 'Oh, hello, ma'am, I couldn't help noticing that you were looking at my rear end?' Yes, that would be a lovely conversation."

"Better'n the usual. You don't t-talk to 'em at all!"

The Spine tossed back the rest of his water. "Time to get back."

"You're yella, that's what."

"I'm not falling for that," muttered The Spine. "And you know I'm not."

"Right. Maybe she was l-l-looking at yer yella streak instead of yer heinie."

"I'm not scared, Rabbit."

"Prove it."

"Ah, see, you're trying it again..."

Rabbit flapped his arms and clucked.

"Stop it."

He clucked louder.

"People are _staring_ , Rabbit..."

"Oh, call the coppers, there's a robut actin' like a chicken!" Rabbit sang, flapping a circle around The Spine. "C-Can't have people starin', can we?"

"Fine! I'll talk to her! Just stop that right now!"

Rabbit stopped. "Now, what'll you say?"

"Well, if she hasn't run for her life by now, I guess I'll say hello!"

"Nah!" Rabbit peered around The Spine's shoulder. "And she's still there. Ooh, takin' advantage of the situation to g-g-get a better look, too..."

"What's wrong with hello?" said The Spine, ignoring the last remark.

"No style! Ya wanna say somethin' like, 'If I said ya had a b-beautiful body, wouldja hold it against me?'"

"Are you pulling my leg?"

"Would it help?"

"If I say a line like that right off, she'll slap my face."

"Then she'll bruise her hand. Only she w-won't slap you."

"She will."

"Won't."

"Okay, I'll prove it. I'll go over there and risk abject humiliation to prove both points. She's not interested, and she will slap my face." He turned, paused, and started forward.

"Won't!"

"Make sure the bartender has an ice pack ready," The Spine called back.

Aww, that's sweet, thought Rabbit.

The Spine walked right up to the table where the woman sat. He gave a little bow and spoke to her. She smiled up at him.

"Toldja..." murmured Rabbit. He could just see The Spine's face well enough to make out the words of the pick-up line and turned to ask the bartender for an ice pack.

He did think the girl was interested. He did not think she'd like the pick-up line. A few of the fellas back at camp had told him that the line was a guaranteed slap in the face. He hoped she wouldn't hurt herself too badly.

He snickered guiltily and tried unsuccessfully to signal the bartender. The Spine should be coming back about now, he thought, turning around.

The Spine was gone. So was the girl.

A soldier jogged up to him. "Hey, Rabbit! We gotta get back to camp! Say, where's Spine?"

"Oh, hey, Jimmy... I was j-j-just wondering that myself..."

"No kiddin'? How'd you manage to lose him? He usually loses you!"

"Ain't that the same thing? Well, let's see if we can find him. He was just t-talkin' to a girl over at that table..."

"What, _that_ table?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That's where the pushover always sits... You don't mean to tell me that your brother has disappeared with her?"

"Oh, boy." Rabbit grinned.

"Well, let's look. They can't have gotten far..."

"You said it, buddy!" said Rabbit, putting on his cap as they searched the dance hall. "But maybe she-she-she don't know that yet..."

There were a few rooms in the back, but they didn't find The Spine in any of them, though every single one was occupied. Rabbit filed his observations away for future reference. It certainly was becoming an education.

"Why'd you two come here, anyway?" asked Jimmy. "It's kinda disreputable..."

"Kinda?" laughed Rabbit. "Hey, you come here too, buddy! Anyway, The Spine likes to play hu-hu-human, an' the low dives don't throw us out."

"Oh..." That drained the conversation.

"Let's try outside," said Rabbit.

They stepped out the back door and heard a crash. Someone had knocked over a garbage can. In the darkness, two figures stood, locked in a struggle... of sorts.

"No..." breathed Rabbit, unsure whether to laugh.

Jimmy's face grew red in the light from the doorway. He cleared his throat. The figures froze.

"Spine? Buddy? We have to get back to camp..." said Rabbit with a soft giggle.

He could see them better than Jimmy could... the woman still clinging to his brother's tall form, The Spine trying to peel her off and tuck in his shirt at the same time. It was a memory he would cherish.

"I... I have to go..." The Spine stammered.

She dragged him down for one more rough kiss before releasing him, and murmured something in French. He answered quietly and straightened his tie. He pulled out his hat and put it on as he joined the others.

Jimmy walked ahead of them... far ahead. Rabbit didn't know if he was being polite, or trying to get away entirely.

"She liked the li-line, then?" asked Rabbit, completely serious.

"Yeah..."

"Look, little brother... she was..."

"It's okay, Rabbit. I know."

"You know?"

"Yes. She was... well..."

"Yeah. Easy."

"Right."

"When did y-y-you figure that out?"

"As soon as she asked me to go into the back with her."

"Holy cats...!" Rabbit was astonished. "So why did you go?"

The Spine said nothing. Rabbit could see his teeth gleaming in the lamp light.

"Yer a bad robut. I oughta tell Pappy on you."

"Will you?"

"Nah. Ya got more on me than I g-got on you anyway."

**Author's Note:**

> Way I figure it, The Spine couldn't believe she was serious, and thought it would freak Rabbit out, so... Yeah, that's what he was thinking..
> 
> Alright, kids, I'll be good now.


End file.
